Saying goodbye during temporary duty is hard for everyone, of course. But for military children, it’s especially difficult, because to children, caregivers mean security; they mean love and safety. Separation anxiety makes it hard for them to understand that they are still connected with their parent even when they are apart. Yet in military families, separation is a given, and it’s probably something that will happen over and over again.

• Make sure the whole family understands where Mom or Dad will be and what they’ll be doing while on temporary duty. This can be hard for little ones. A trick is to hang up a map with the location of your home and the location of the assignment both highlighted. Talk about what the daily routines of the service member will be, so it’s easier for children to imagine it. Provide as much information as is appropriate.
• Your children will also want to know who will be helping to care for them and who will provide support for your military family. Perhaps a grandparent or a family friend or neighbor is going to be around more. Offer plenty of specific reassurance: “Nana will take you to soccer practice for now, until Dad gets home again.” Or, “Guess who taught Mom to make those delicious waffles? It was Grandpa, and he’ll make them with you while Mom is gone.”
• Practice “See you later.” Make sure to let children know again and again: “This is not goodbye. It’s just until we see each other again.” Maybe the family can create a special hug or kiss routine, or a “see you later” song you can all sing together. Then, when the actual goodbye comes, it will feel familiar, which will provide some comfort.
• Prepare some things that can be worked into the family routine to stay connected while you’re away. For example, freeze a special meal or two that your children know is one of your favorites. They can eat it while you’re gone and talk about you. Make a video or audio recording of you reading your children’s favorite books, or singing a song you all like.
• Plan a few surprises, too. Leave some little notes around the house that children can be directed to when they need a pick-me-up. Wrap up and leave behind a small, meaningful object that they can associate with you: a pinecone you found together, a special piece of jewelry, a seashell from a family vacation. They can keep it in their pocket or a special place.

On temporary duty, it might be easier for service members to stay in touch with their families. It’s important to take advantage of this and communicate frequently, whether by video calls, regular phone calls, or any other way that works.

• Think up some activities you can do long distance with your children, such as reading stories together; eating lunch together on screen (if you can, plan to eat some of the same meals—such as a family-favorite peanut-butter-and-banana sandwich); singing songs; and so on. Shared activities will help keep your bonds strong.
• Ask questions about what your children are doing and make sure they have time to ask you questions, too. Children can also express their emotions during the call.
• If you can’t make phone or video calls, plan a nightly appointment: “Every night at 7, let’s wish on a star together from where we are” or “Let’s look up at the moon exactly at 8 and send kisses—remember, it’s the same moon shining over us all.”
• For the at-home parent, stick to routines as much as possible, so things feel familiar and expected. But together, brainstorm a few fun changes you can make in the routine during this period. Make sure to keep the away-parent in the conversation: “Dad would love this nature walk!” or “How do you think Mom would feel about our new chicken recipe?”
• Reassure your military children that it’s fine for them to express their emotions. It’s ok to cry, worry, or show sadness from time to time. It’s ok for them to see you showing your big feelings sometimes, too. Remind them, “We’re a family—now and always—and we’ll get through this together.”

Coming back from temporary duty is what you’ve all been waiting for! Still, that doesn’t mean that being together again won’t have any bumps. It’s an adjustment.

• Again, it may help to have a regular coming-home routine that you can fall back on every time. It will become part of the “coming back” process, helping things feel safe and familiar.
• Talk about what happened when the family was apart—on both ends.
• Give each child extra one-on-one attention, as much as possible.
• Most of all, allow time for everything to feel completely comfortable again. Your children may be anxious, or mad, or may even ignore you. Those are all natural reactions. You’ll pull together as a family again.