Transitions such as deployments, homecomings, or relocations can require a lot of emotional adjustment for kids. Use these ideas to help them express feelings during periods of change.

Help your children learn feelings words

• Young children need your help building their feelings vocabulary. When children can name their feelings (and the feelings of others), they’re better able, with your help, to find ways to express and cope with them. Use the Feeling Faces interactive game to help children learn new words and express the feelings that might be hard to talk about. 

• Find feelings throughout your day: As you read books, point to and ask about characters’ expression or body language. Ask, “How do you think they might be feeling?” Practice making different feelings faces to each other or in a mirror. 

Talk to your children about their feelings

• Encourage your children to tell you how they’re feeling. The more you understand their experiences, the better you can help them adjust, problem-solve, and maintain a positive outlook.
• Let your kids know they have your full attention by listening closely and summarizing what they say. Validate their feelings. Say, “It’s okay to feel that way.” And offer reassurance: “I’m here for you.”

Offer your children different ways to “let it out”

• Communication skills are often hard for kids to master. Younger children who are still learning words to express their feelings can also use movement or expressions to let their emotions out. Use the Feeling Faces interactive game to help kids learn new words and express the feelings that might be hard to talk about.
• Alternative ways to communicate as a family, such as singing, laughing, or making art together, can be useful (and fun!) at any age.

No matter what changes come their way, your children can find strength in all the unique qualities and abilities they’ve developed so far. Use the ideas below to help them take pride in their accomplishments, and also learn to new words that describe themselves.

Words that Describe Me

Help grow vocabulary as you describe and discuss the wonderful qualities of each child.

Kind means being gentle and thinking about how others might feel. People might be kind if…

• They share their crayons with a friend
• They hug a friend who is sad
• They include someone who was left out

Helpful means being there for others when they need you. People might be helpful if…

• Someone drops something and they pick it up for that person
• They clean up their toys when they are finished playing

Brave means being strong and showing courage. People might be brave when…

• They go down the slide by themselves for the first time
• They go to the doctor even though they are scared

Creative people have lots of ideas and use their imagination! People might be creative if…

• They make up a really fun game
• They turn a cardboard box into a spaceship

Strong means being able to get through hard situations that may come your way. People might be strong if…

• They report to an adult after seeing a friend get hurt
• They fall down but get right back up again and continue to play

Being persistent means trying and trying again. People might be persistent if…

• They try to ride their bike, fall off, and keep trying
• They try to build a really tall block tower and, even though it keeps falling, they keep rebuilding it until it stands tall and strong

Curious means you really wanting to know more about something. People might be curious about…

• What happens if you mix yellow paint with green paint
• How a book is going to end

Pictures of Me

Celebrate little moments of greatness! Make a collage about all the wonderful things your children do. Throughout the week, take pictures of your children as they share and help others, persist with challenging tasks, or manage frustration while waiting. Print those pictures at the end of the week, and together with each child paste them on a piece of paper or cardboard. Reflect together about what the pictures represent and label each moment with the personality trait that best describes it. For example, if the picture shows your child playing nicely with a friend, label that picture “friendly.”

A Hero in Everyone

Talk together about the things that make someone a hero. Then make a list of the little ways that your kids are like heroes, too. Do heroes help? What are some ways your children can help out around the house? Are heroes brave? How can your children be brave? Can they try something they’ve never done before? Display the list so you can revisit it.

Young children are still learning to express their emotions in productive ways. Big feelings can be overwhelming and may cause little ones to act out or behave aggressively. Children may sometimes express themselves through behavior rather than words. Be aware of changes in your child’s behavior, and get counseling if it’s needed.

» If you observe unusual clinging or fear of being alone, try to use gentle words and reassure children that you will keep them safe. Offer a comfort item like a toy or blanket. If you notice fears of separating, offer the reminder that you always come back. Then let them know when you will return.

» If you observe trouble sleeping, try to keep a consistent routine to provide comfort. Read a favorite story or sing a favorite song each night. Simple deep breathing or a back rub may also help.

» If you observe your children are less verbal or exhibiting unusually introverted behavior, try to ask about that child’s feelings and provide an opportunity for discussion and for asking questions. Also, offer other ways for self-expression, such as drawing.

» If you observe more frequent outbursts and tantrums in one of your children, encourage that child to use words to describe the feelings, such as angry, sad, scared, or worried. Provide an outlet by allowing some play time or by going for a walk together. Keeping routines can also help prevent tantrums.

» If you observe a return to wetting the bed, thumb sucking, or baby talk, try to reassure children that everything will be okay. Understand that these are normal behaviors when there are a lot of changes happening in the family.

These changes in behavior may happen during big changes, such as deployments, homecoming, or relocations, but as a parent you have the power to help your child express their big feelings.