Injuries: Rehabilitation
When a service member comes home due to an injury, families will experience a lot of changes. The injury may be physical or invisible or a combination of both. Because things are constantly changing, approach the various stages of helping kids cope in small steps to adjust successfully to the “new normal”.
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Video: Parenting After an Injury
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Helping Kids Cope
Family support from even the youngest members has a tremendous effect on the healing.
Helping Kids Cope
During rehabilitation, the more the family rallies around the parent who is physically or mentally injured, the better both may do. Even when the outcome is unknown and reassurance is hard to give, your children will thrive on the chance to be hopeful. Helping kids deal with change together this way will ensure they are coping in the best way possible.
Manage the Information Given to Your Child
- There may be very little information available at first. Don’t give false assurances if you don’t know, but do be reassuring: “Mom/Dad has been injured. The good thing is that s/he’s at a hospital now with doctors who know how to take care of her/him. They are working hard to help her/him get better.”
- Do your best to manage your own anxiety and to protect your children from information they don’t need. Keeping in mind how to manage anxiety in children, think through what you’re going to say to them before you say it, as well as what you’re going to say during family phone calls. It might help to talk with a friend, parent, advisor, doctor, or clergy person.
- As time passes, keep communicating, and update your children as appropriate. Although it’s important to be careful with the amount of information you offer them, do try to discuss what is happening. Remember, your children’s imaginations will fill in any hole, and that may be far more troubling than reality. So offer hope: “It may take a while before we know everything, but our family will get through this together.”
Create a Sense of Security
- During this time, your family’s usual activities may be disrupted. Make sure that at least some familiar routines are followed consistently.
- If any of your children are going to be staying with relatives or friends for any period of time, suggest that they take a beloved object, such as a favorite blanket, toy, book, or T-shirt. This will help give them a greater sense of security.
- In talking about coping with injury, assure your children that the parent’s injury is not their fault, or anyone else’s. It’s just something that can happen with this kind of job.
Determine the Best Time to Visit
- Consult with medical and support staff about the appropriate time for your children to see their injured parent. This will depend on the developmental level and emotional maturity of each child. Get help with how to prepare them for the injured parent’s appearance. They will need to know in advance about tubes, machines, bandages, and so forth, as well as the fact that there will be other injured service members nearby. The recuperating parent may look and/or act very differently from how your children remember.
- If a visit is appropriate, don’t force touches and hugs, which may be scary at first. Let each child set a comfortable pace.
- If your children can’t visit the injured parent yet, they can still stay in touch by drawing pictures for the parent, offering a stuffed animal to put on the hospital bed, or recording a song to share.
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Rehabilitation
After the initial reunion, new issues can arise during the recovery process.
Rehabilitation
Once the service member is stable and the recovery process is underway, new issues will arise. Help your children understand that this can be a long process. Say: “It’s a long road, but we’ll get through it, one step at a time.”
Encourage Your Children to Ask Questions
- Children may ask: “Does it hurt?” “Are you a robot with superpowers (in the case of a prosthetic device)?” “Will Dad/Mom always have trouble talking or remembering things?” “Will a new leg grow back?” Demonstrate how the prosthesis or wheelchair works. Most children are curious and adaptable. Take advantage of that quality!
- In the process of coping with injury, children may ask, “Is Mom/Dad going to get better?” You can say: “Some very good doctors are working hard to help her/him get better. You’re helping, too! It’s going to take some time and some hard work, and we may need to learn to do some things a new way. But we’ll all work together as a family.”
Offer Reassurance
- Try to find a happy medium between protecting kids and acknowledging the difficult reality of the experience. “Yes, your dad/mom is different, but he/she’s still Dad/Mom. He/She still loves you.” Teaching children about change is important. Acknowledge what has changed, but also stress what hasn’t. You can remind children: “We were a strong family before, and we’ll be a strong family again. We’ll all heal together.”
- Give your children “kissing hands.” Kiss the center of each child’s palm. Then fold the fingers over the spot you kissed. Tell your children the kiss will stick, even when it’s washed. When your children put that hand to a cheek, the kiss will spread love all through the body, reminding them of your love—and that will never change.
Let Children Help With Therapy!
- Getting your kids involved in therapy may ease fears while helping reconnect with the parent who is injured.
- Even very young children may be able to offer a sip of water or clap for a first step taken. They can send encouraging messages with the We Are Proud of You printable, decorate a prosthetic with photos, or add a personalized plate to a wheelchair: “Mom/Dad on Wheels!”
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Reintegration
Learn helpful, hopeful ways to deal with limitations and grow as a family.
Reintegration
As the injured parent continues to rehabilitate, your family is learning hopeful ways of moving forward and is starting to make long-term plans. Encourage your children to view such changes as part of a journey and as a way for your family to continue to grow together.
Explain that the Process Isn’t Over Yet
- You can say: “Getting better can take a long time.” In many cases, therapy will be ongoing, doctors and medicines may continue to be part of everyday life, and there may be additional hospital stays.
Maintain Some Old Routines and Establish New Ones Together
- As the situation changes, you may have to adjust your old routines. When possible, introduce changes a little at a time. Keeping big changes to a minimum, especially at first, will give your kids a greater sense of stability. Involving them in the creation of new routines might help them feel more in control, as well.
- Just because a parent has been injured doesn’t mean that everything has to change. A parent in a wheelchair can still play tag in the park on Saturdays or basketball after school. And a parent who has lost an arm can still help with homework or offer a hug! Brainstorm ideas together about new ways of doing old things.
- Now that everyone is home again, you may need to reassign responsibilities. Take care not to make your children feel as if they’re being demoted. Stress that you can all continue to share in everyday activities, but in a different way. After the readjustments, come up with some special, new family routines: Perhaps at the end of the week, each family member can tell about “the best thing of the week.” Or, your family can enjoy a session of weekend stargazing with a cup of cocoa or lemonade in hand. Do things that will bring you together!
Share Accomplishments
- Encourage your children to share their recent accomplishments and newly acquired skills with the returned parent. Maybe your young child has learned to hop or get dressed without any help. Maybe your older child hit a home run or received an “A” on a math test. Enjoy these successes together. In the same spirit, your kids can cheer when the injured parent masters a new skill or relearns a task.
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Invisible Injuries
Invisible injuries can be the hardest injuries for children to understand.
Invisible Injuries
Invisible injuries are the hardest injuries for children to understand. Why does a parent seem angry? Or sad? Why does he forget things or just seem “out of it”? It’s crucial to find a way to explain these changes to your children in ways they can understand.
Explain the Injury
- Explain that sometimes, injuries are invisible, the way a stomachache is: “The hurt is inside. When you look at the person, you can’t see the hurt, but it’s there.”
- Help your children understand that the injury may change the way the injured parent feels, talks, and acts. Everything from forgetfulness to anger and frustration to sleepiness can be symptoms of this invisible injury.
- You may also need to explain a parent’s immobility or non-responsiveness: “The doctors want Dad/Mom to rest,” or “This medicine helps Dad/Mom get well, but it also makes him/her sleepy.”
Validate Your Children’s Feelings and Efforts
- Validate your children’s confusion, and make sure that they know they are not to blame. For example, you can say: “I know Mom/Dad isn’t smiling as much, but s/he still loves you.”
- Praise your children’s strength, bravery, and helpfulness, but let them express their fears, too.
Set Up a Place for Quiet Time
- The returning parent may not remember some things. S/he may be irritable and emotionally unavailable. Offer reassurance: “Dad/Mom needs some quiet time to think about things.” Make sure there are relaxing places in your home, outside, or elsewhere, where the returning parent (or anyone else in the family) can go to take a break.
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Additional Resources
Helpful links related to Injuries: Rehabilitation