Navigating the transition from military to civilian life isn’t always easy. But even though finding a job or building a new community can be stressful, adapting to change by framing it as another family adventure benefits everyone. Modeling an optimistic attitude for your children will go a long way in building their confidence to “weather the changes”! Consider these tips and strategies:

Stand Like a Superhero

To help your kids “rehearse” for success in challenging situations, invite them to join you in the superhero pose: hands on hips, head held high, strong stance (feet hip-width apart). Then call out: I am strong! I am brave! I am an adventurer! You can even use a towel or blanket as a cape as a prop. (But even superheroes need a break, sometimes. Remember to take care of yourself and you’ll be better able to care for your family!)

Adventure Talk

Discuss the upcoming (or ongoing) change together by saying things like:

• Wherever we go, we’ll make it an adventure.
• We’ll find the fun together.
• We’ll meet new people and explore new places.
• We’ll grow stronger!
• We’ll do what needs to be done, because that’s what we do.

Just for Kids

We’re in This Together Print this page to take an “adventure pledge” as a family. Invite your children to color it in, then post on your refrigerator or near your dinner table.

Bravery Badges Print out these badges and invite your children to color them. Then cut them apart and give one to whomever needs a little extra reminder that they have what it takes to meet a new challenge!

Color My World Print a black-and-white map of your new neighborhood or city from the Internet and invite your kids to color it using any colors they like. Display it on the refrigerator to remind everyone: “This new place is ours.”

Every situation, such as a taking a car ride or tucking your children in at night, is an opportunity for conversation and connection. Keeping communication open will reassure kids that you are there for them; remind them that it’s good to ask questions; and allow them to share what’s on their mind, including their worries.

Talk It Through

Children will likely have lots of questions and you’ll want to provide simple, concrete, honest, age-appropriate answers. Here are some ways you might respond to your children’s questions:

• Why is Mom/Dad no longer in a uniform? S/He/I wore a uniform for her/his/my job in the military. Mom/Dad/I doesn’t/don’t work in the military anymore, so she/he/I doesn’t/don’t wear the uniform.

• Why do I have to move/change schools? We are moving because Mom/Dad/I is/am no longer working for the military, so we are moving because [Dad/Mom/I has/have a new job, we’re going to be closer to your grandparents, we are ready for a new adventure, we can no longer live on the base, and so on]. And our new home will be too far away from your school to keep going there.

• Who will take care of me? You will always be cared for. Some things may change [for instance, Daddy will be putting you to bed instead of Mommy]. But we’ll work together as a family to make sure we’re all okay. And you will be an important part of the changes we are going through together.

• When is Mom/Dad getting a job? It can take a while for grown-ups to find a new job, and we don’t always know when it will happen. Sometimes it happens right away and sometimes it takes a while. But Mom/Dad/I learned a lot of important things in the military and can use what she/he/I know(s) in her/his/my new job.

• Where will I play? Who will I play with? When we get to our new home, we’ll explore the neighborhood together and maybe even visit the playground at your new school. Your new friends will also know places to play. You’ve made new friends before, and you’ll do it again. You have a lot to offer a new friend [specify some of your children’s strengths, like sharing or being good at a particular game].

• Will everything be different now? We might want to keep things the same but sometimes we need to change. I don’t have all the answers right now, but we’re working every day to figure things out.

Just for Kids

Feeling Faces Print this page and post it at children’s eye level so they can refer to it frequently. You can use it as a conversation starter anytime by saying, “Let’s look at the feeling faces. Which one shows how you are feeling right now?” You may model this first by doing it yourself.

And Keep Talking Print this page of conversation starters and post it near the dinner table. At dinnertime, invite each child to pick a question to ask the family, calling on each person to answer until everyone has shared. Or, you can take the lead.

Simple behaviors can help ease children’s fears and build a sense of security that helps them through all kinds of changes. Something as simple as a special hug in the morning or reading a bedtime story together can help provide stability and reassurance. The “little things” you do together every day can make the transition out of the military more successful for the whole family. It will comfort your kids—and you, too!

No Matter What

To help children feel safe and secure, choose one routine that will stay constant and predictable—no matter what! Remind children exactly what they can always rely on. For instance, No matter what, you’ll have a bedtime snuggle and story every single night.

Use Visuals

In helping kids deal with change, cross off (or color in) days until moving day, days until school starts, and so on, on a paper calendar. You can also put photos of your former home into a small photo book for your children to refer to when talking or thinking about the future or past.

Use Social Media

Sometimes, new connections are as close as your keyboard. For instance, you might join the Facebook page for your new parks and recreation department, or join an online group for families in transition from military to civilian communities. Support networks about military transition assistance are often just a click away.

Community Counts

Many veteran families seek support from other veteran families. The veteran network can be a helping hand from people who know what you are going through. Also, offering your family’s unique talents, skills, and knowledge through your community service can bridge a connection with your past and present identities, and help you stay strong as a family.

Just for Kids

Where I’ve Been, Where I’m Going Print and post this U.S. map to give your children a sense of where you are, where you’ve been, where you’re going, and where other important people are (use stickers to mark the different places).

What Changes? What Stays the Same? Print this page and complete it together. First, explain that even though it seems like everything is changing, some things will never change. For instance, you may be moving to a new house, but it’s love that makes it a home, and that always stays the same. Children will even get real comfort from little reminders such as You’ll still sleep on your favorite rainbow sheets!

Your kids have been through this before! So it’s natural that they will bring real strengths to new situations, such as reaching out and making new friends. Remind them often of their past successes, or how much they have to offer new friends.

New Friends, Old Friends

You can help your children stay in touch with old friends, whether by phone, text, video chat, e-mail, or letters. Young children will naturally need help with the logistics of maintaining old connections, but it can be done!

Positive Perspective

You can help build confidence in your children about making new friends by reminding them of all the special things they can offer. For instance, You’re good at sharing, and you know a lot of jokes. Those things really come in handy when you’re making new friends!

Reaching Out

Suggest specific ways to make new friends. For instance, approach a group playing a game and ask a question about the game. Or, bring an interesting toy to school and ask a classmate if she wants to play with it together. Or simply say, Hi, my name is _____, what’s your name?

Just for Kids

What Should I Say? Print this page to help young children come up with answers to questions they might be asked by new classmates, such as, “Why do you move around a lot?” Kids don’t always have ready answers! Write the answers on the lines and rehearse some conversations, playing the role of a new friend.

New Friend Coupons Print this page so kids can color and cut apart these coupons and give them to new friends. It can be great to have just the right words in your pocket!

Sign Me Up! Print this Muppet-y twist on class autograph books to jump start interactions with new friends—they can simply be asked to sign their names on a page.